HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
