my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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