apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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