I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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