he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
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yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
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I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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