We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
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my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
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Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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