u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
