i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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