I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize