I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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