I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
