How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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