she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
