i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
