im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
