dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
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He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He shit in the fireplace
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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