Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
