HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
