i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
dude. I can hear the air.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
