Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
