So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
