do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Randomize
