Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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