Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
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Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
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He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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