you guys were way drunker than both of me
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
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I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
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He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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