This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
