I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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