Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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