Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
