WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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