Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
