her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
