It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I am naked and annoyed.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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