apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
