I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
