I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
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if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
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I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
not ubering you a puppy
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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