By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize