I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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