Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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