I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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