My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
