the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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