I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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