i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
