A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
