Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
