When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
