His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I love having hate sex.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
