Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
sarcasm needs its own font
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
