I feel like abortions should bother me more
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
