Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
