dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
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Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
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I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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