I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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