If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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