Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think people are normalizing furries
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
