I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
