hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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