am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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