Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
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In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
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I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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