I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I deserve this hangover.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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