My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Shame - the story of my life.
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