Me too!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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