Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
