I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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